You know if you have autism or Asperger’s if…

1. You can’t have two things on the dinner plate at the same time. Once you are done with the first food, you get a fresh plate.

2. You understand why the X-men are persecuted…because they are different.

3. Fashion is irrelevant.

4. You butter your toast all the way to the edges with an even layer of butter, but only if the toast is freshly out of the toaster. If it gets hard, you have to throw it out.

5. You figure you would be great on a jury because you won’t be swayed by facial expressions or blathering outbursts of emotions.

6. Sensual experiences are rapturous or make you freak out.

7. High-pitched noises hurt.

8. You look at the floor while listing to someone intensely.

9. You look at the floor while thinking how to answer intensely.

10. Foods have to be eaten in order of temperature.

11. When your partner says, “Let’s go out,” you pause, stare at the wall then say, “Why?”

12. Eating the same thing for a week is delightful.

13. Facts ‘R Us

14. “What did you say? I wasn’t listening”

15. “I should change instead of wearing my very soft fleece pajama bottoms to the store??”

16. “When the company comes over, what should I say?” “Be yourself.” “Oh good, I don’t have to talk.”

17. Animals make more sense than people.

18. Why do NTs (neurotypicals) waste their time on small talk when there are so many real things to talk about?

19. I’m frantic when I can’t find my earplugs.

20. I’m waiting for grandchildren so I can love them, educate them on everything, then send them back. I hope my grandkids are aspies and autties so we can really relate.

This idea came from a 1000+ thread on a forum.  I won’t use other people’s ideas, so I ask that we create this thread together because I will eventually run out of ideas.  If it flies, I’ll publish a compendium weekly.  To be included, add to the thread by leaving a comment for next week’s post or sending your ideas to me at e@cozycalm.com You can request that your idea has your first name or not.

Syracuse likes his weighted blanket. Yes, we have one for the cat.

John (hubby) said I’m just like our cats and here’s why:

1. Cats do things on their own terms.
2. They will get up and walk away without notice.
3. They want to be in the same room with you, but not interact (parallel play).
4. They don’t like their fur petted backwards.
5. They stare at you with no visible emotion.
6. They are not aware of how their actions affect others.
7. They’re intensely curious about the world, but when they get into it they get scared.
8. They can study things for long periods at a time.
9. They have rituals and favorite places.
10. Routines must not be changed.
11. High-pitched noises make their ears go back and they leave the room.
12. They initially inspect people, but ultimately hide when company is visiting.
13. If we change their cat food, they won’t eat it until they’re starving.
14. They get mad if we leave the house.  Once we’re home, they go back to routine and we don’t see them.  They just want the security of us being here because there is no need to interact, since they are content they we’re here.
15. They can lounge for hours caught up in daydreams or pondering.
16. They gauge you by what you do, not by what you say or how you say it.
17. Speech means nothing; visual is everything.
18. They meow non-stop if they want something, but otherwise say nothing.
19. They have acute senses.
20. They are independent loners, and they like it that way.
21. They want their environmental temperature consistent.
22. They get bursts of physical energy for no apparent reason.
23. We don’t know what they are thinking.
24. They are difficult to understand, yet transparent.
25. They don’t like bathing in water.
26. We can’t help loving them.
27. They are very loving…in their unique way.

“I was being metaphorical about the heart and you just got all confused and just couldn’t relate,” John smiled as he said it.  We were talking about Saturday night after we got home from an evening out.  I remember I had started explaining why the heart and mind act that way because of chemical processes that go on in the mind and body.

Then he started laughing so hard!  I wasn’t offended because he never laughs AT me, just with me.  But, I had no clue what was so funny.  He just reached over and cupped my cheek in his hand and kissed me.  He said, “Yup.  I’m Captain Kirk and you’re Mr. Spock,” still chuckling.

Then I continued, “Yes, I suppose I’m a combination of Mr. Spock and Data.”

“Who?”

“Data, from The Next Generation.”

He laughed again, “Sorry, love, I am not up on my sci-fi like you are.”  I realized what he was talking about and I thought, “OMG, am I the stereotype of a geek where from a lot of these Asperger’s online tests came from?”

I said, “You know, love, I’ve actually had a secret desire to go to a Star Trek convention and dress up and the whole bit, but there are too many people there.”

He started laughing even harder.  Again, he was NOT laughing at me.  It’s a common joke between us that I do NOT want to go to the Minnesota State Fair every year like he does with the kids because the sheer dizzying cacophony and visual flashes just kill me to the point that I have to leave, and NOW.  It’s an extremely serious issue for me, but we laugh about it to take the edge off and to show that he accepts me the way I am.  We laugh because he knows never to ask me to go to the State Fair or any other super-crowded venues.

He loves me the way I am and does NOT see me as flawed, nor do I.  We are the complete opposites, which is something we both have respect for because we think it is so cool that one can think or do in ways the other can’t.  We’re the perfect complement.  We even scored almost exactly the opposite on our Myers-Briggs tests, me, an INTJ, as you may have suspected if you are familiar with the test.

I like being logical.  It’s relaxing.  Yes, I sometimes often to do not know what’s “going on” with other people, but if I understood their drama, I’d be very upset all the time.  So, I have Asperger’s and I’m a happy camper being the logical, cool, calm island who people run to when they are emotionally distressed.

I give big hugs and I’m a great listener.

Oh, and about the heart, John was being romantic and saying sweet nothings about how his heart feels for me.  It was a little subtle for me, but I always understand and feel it wholeheartedly when he says, “I love you.”

Side thought:

Isn’t the stereotype of a geek, a man?  Not so, say I, because I personify geek.  Fortunately, “geek” is in style, so I am so de rigueur.  I am the brilliant, clueless epitome of cool.  Yes, I’m smart and logical, and my kids often say, “You’re going to wear that?”