C’est moi in my hammock with my weighted blanket on.  Who would have thought that such a simple thing could have such an effect on my brain?

My occupational therapist recommended it for my sensory processing disorder, which usually goes with autism.  In OT, they had me doing different kinds of swinging, among many other things.  The body’s vestibular system comes into play with swinging.  A huge, block of text article explains more.  I promise no more links.

Hubby got the swing for me for my birthday, which was Earth Day, April 22nd, and I fell into it with abandon, and fell asleep.  At other times, I swing and watch the patterns of the trees above me, and the gentle movement lulls me, as it would with anyone, but I feel fuzzy and disoriented afterward.

But that’s a good thing.  It causes a difference in orientation in my body and my senses.  If I am dealing with sensory overload, the hammock calms it down.  It’s like taking a medicine that works faster than Tylenol.

Perhaps this is why I loved swinging at my Granny and Papa’s house.  I would do this for a long time then wander off feeling full of feeling.

View from my hammock at night.

Walking Tippy Toes in Sweat Pants

Sound like an oxymoron?  I have the world’s greatest collection of sweatpants.  (I exaggerate.)

My kids even bought a pair of “dress” sweatpants for me in gray with pleats. They know their mama.  They know I also want to feel pretty as well as comfortable.

When it comes down to it, do I have to look good for everyone else?  An emphatic, no.  Hubby says that when I’m wearing my thick brown sweats with my  softest, holey Ducks Unlimited t-shirt, “Oh, who cares what people think,” he says with his tone descending.  I don’t know if it is feeling self-conscious or just not pretty that causes me to want to look better.  And my way is sweat pants with pleats.

I know that we all must be good little girls and boys and dress up for work, which we need to do to fit in with the dress code and get promoted someday.  I have goofed my clothing choices at work, all in the quest for comfortable.

But, I own a business now, so I can’t get fired for wearing dress sweats to work.  They look really nice, I think.  I feel good in them.  I feel pretty.

My staff know me, and I’m just me, so they accept me.  They also know that I don’t fret if they’re wearing sweats while they sew, because I do understand comfort.  Granted, we are not in an office environment open to the public, so we can get away with it.

The littlest things mean so much.

I can credit my mother for so much of who I am today.  Many of us can say that, but my mom is the mother of an autistic person at a time when there were no diagnoses for autism other than Kanner’s autism, and there were no treatments.  Mum treated me by being her and by being a great mom.

Love you Mummy!

She or he wrote:  “Eileen Parker’s well-organized, well-researched, and well-written blog delves into the scientific and psychological aspects of autism spectrum disorder, all from a primary source: Parker. Not only does she know what it’s like to be a wife and a mother, but Parker herself is on the spectrum. There are a slew of posts on everything from autism and depression to the salutary effect of a Cozy Calm Weighted Blanket. Furthermore, Parker is one of the only autism bloggers to offer a recurring advice column, proffering her wisdom on matters such as what to do when you think an adult relative or friend might have Asperger’s. There are few more qualified guides to navigating the world of autism.”

I’m curious about who nominated me.  Was it you?

I also noticed they used my Amazon.com picture.  If it’s easier for you, you can also subscribe on your Kindle or Kindle app because I only charging a whopping 99 cents, which is Amazon’s minimum.

You can see the other autism blogs chosen on Babble.com.

My sister started calling me “seester” years ago, and it stuck.

Anyway, sister and clan are coming from Canada for Easter and to get a grad dress for her boyfriend’s daughter…wasn’t the daughter 12 the other day?

So, she will be making the trek to Canadian shopping Mecca–Mall of America, or “MOA” as it is called here in the Minneapolis metro.  I did my duty when it first opened, and now I avoid it like the plague.  (Mind you, Legoland is pretty cool first thing in the morning when the store clerks are still downing their coffees, and the few stragglers are rushing in late to work.)

Anyway, there will be 15 for Easter dinner.  OMG!  My sister and clan will have plenty of room to sleep because hubby’s job allows us a big house.  The nice part about my sister visiting is that it has become a script that I know.  She is here two or three times a year, so I am used to the routine and the people’s habits.

It used to be an incredible rocking, hand-movement, walking-on-my-toes event and the two weeks leading up to it.  Since I know what to expect, it isn’t anxiety-producing anymore.

I have also learned coping strategies such as tidying. I put away dishes, take out garbage, and other maintenance tasks so I have something to focus on that is very routine.  It’s comforting.

I have done this for a long time.  I remember at my grandfather’s funeral, I was at the sink washing dishes.  I didn’t even go in the living room where most of the others were.  That was a situation I didn’t understand, but that is another blog post.

I don’t avoid my family, but I can take tidy breaks.  If you or your child is on the spectrum, have an alternative, a coping strategy to deal with it.  If your child is old enough to understand concepts, review what will happen that day at an event.  If you are going to someone else’s house, visit with your child first and show him and let him practice the coping strategy in the room he will be doing it in.

I am dreaming of chocolate.  The kids are late teens/early twenties, so they won’t be bothered to get up and search for candy.  Maybe this year, my sister will hide candy for me!

Would you like to go for a walk?

I really don’t know if I should be writing about this, but I rarely see it online, and plenty of people with autism experience it.  I have depression.  It’s not every day or even every month.  A few times a year it sneaks up on me.

What spurred this post is an article, “How to Fight Depression and Anxiety,” I read on the Psychology Today site.  As you may have surmised, I was reading online because I am going through a bout now.

What caught my eye was, “Often enough, a lack of social skills is at the root.”  I wonder then if this is more pervasive in the autism community than I thought.  Another passage, “Some types of anxiety—obsessive-compulsive disorder, panic disorder, and social phobia—are particularly associated with depression.”  OCD is often co-occurring with autism, as is anxiety, which I also have.  Are all these in some sort of horrible mixture that feeds on itself?

For example, I have never been good at social interaction.  When I screw up, and I know about it, I feel crushing embarrassment, and I feel like crying.  Repeat that over the years, and I have grown to be horribly scared of social situations, so I avoid them.  Over that time, I have often suffered from crushing loneliness even though I had two children and a family.  I wanted friends and a boyfriend.

The anticipation of social contact has me ruminating about it creating ever higher levels of anxiety.  It gets hard to think, and my world feels like it’s spinning out of control, so I spend great energy getting control of my life and stimming.

See how horrible this downward spiral sounds!  While depressed, I live in it.

It doesn’t have to be that way.

I went from crushing loneliness to dating and now, having a hubby.  I have a couple of friends.  My kids became social, so I was around teenagers at least.  I got used to having two step-children, and now I feel relaxed around them and glad they came over.  They’re used to me the way I am.

This past weekend, hubby and I went to the bike show, and chatted fairly easily with hubby’s friend and his friend’s girlfriend.  Granted, after the show got really busy my sensory issues kicked in, so I went home.  But I did it!  Was I socially adept?  No.  I was just me.

Thank you for listening

I am talking with you, let I likely don’t know you, but having talked with you, I feel so much better.  I’m not un-depressed, but I’m working on getting exercise so I can get out of it.  Wanna go for a walk?  Hopefully it’s sunny and warm where you are.

I notice and read and analyze everything I see in the house even if I have passed them by 100 times.  I am so visual.  With the clutter, I feel myself getting on edge and getting confused and sitting or wandering a lot while feeling unsure of what to do.

This weekend, I tackled the visual field in my woman cave because the clearer my field of vision, the clearer my mind.  My art supplies on shelves and all over the work bench got categorized and put into plastic totes and placed underneath the work bench.  I took a top sheet that is still in excellent condition and stapled it around the work bench edge so I couldn’t see all the objects underneath.

My big desk was the next major visual killer to deal with.  Every shelf and cranny lining the room was filled with non-immediate office supplies.  I took them all–the labels, extra staples, specialty paper, etc–upstairs to, of all places, the office supply closet in hubby’s office.  I closed the closet doors.  There, gone from my mind.

Then I started paper sorting from advertising opportunities for my business to the voluminous amount of notes I write everyday so I don’t forget things.  I had the garbage can and paper shredder on one side of me and my near-empty filing cabinet on the other side.

This took two days.  Now I have a clearer head, better organization, and a feeling of satisfaction from a job well-done.

You wouldn’t believe how many blog post ideas I found.

I can’t lie.  That’s a lie.  I can lie.

My therapist asked me this last week because I am so honest about my answers to her questions.  But, I’m not thinking of it as being honest; I think of it as factual.  Honesty and being literal can be confused to the outside observer.

I have learned the hard way that blunt “truth” is not welcomed in social situations.  I have learned to keep quiet about most things.  But, I have learned that if someone has really nice shoes, I say so, and I’m not lying to be socially acceptable, I say it because they really are nice shoes.  I notice shoes because between my intermittent eye contact, I tend to look down or to the side.  I notice purses this way too.

“Your directness is so refreshing,” I have heard.  But, I suspect that is a lie.  I think it might be a person acting strong in a social situation to save face.  Where did the saying, “save face” come from?  I know it means embarrassed or similar.

I have learned that agreement in a social situation is preferred, but I consider that a lie if I disagree or they are incorrect.  I see people positing another point of view, but when I retort with the facts or additional information, I get a blank stare, and they tend to exclude me.  Or, I don’t know what to say because I am aware that people didn’t like what I said.

So, I lie by agreeing.  I lie by withholding additional information.  I lie by not correcting people.  I lie by omission.

Can I lie on purpose to get something I want?  Yes, but hubby and the kids will tell you that I suck at it.

Win a Weighted Blanket…and Gift Certificates!

Cozy Calm is awarding FOUR weighted blankets:

• 1 Couch-Length Relaxation Weighted Blanket
• 1 Child Size Weighted Blanket
• One of two lap cozys (child or adult size)

But wait, there’s more to win!..
scroll down to find out

You have a chance to win one or even many of 11 weighted blanket gift certificates:

• Grand Prize $100 gift certificate
• Second Prize, one of two $75 gift certificates
• Third prize, one of three $50 gift certificates
• Fourth prize, one of five $25 gift certificates

You can enter often with many ways to win a weighted blanket…

Enter on Facebook…

1. Like us on Facebook
2. Choose what size and color of weighted blanket you like and post it on our wall.
3. You can get another chance to win by referring a friend.  When your friend writes her dream blanket on our wall along with your name as a referral, you are entered to win again.
4. Every time you refer a friend, you get entered in the contest.  Now how great is that!

Enter now on Facebook…

Enter on the owner’s personal blog…

1. Subscribe to the owner’s personal blog www.EileenParker.com
2. Choose what size and color of weighted blanket you like and post it as a comment to this post for a chance to win a prize.
3. You can get another chance to win by referring a friend to enter.
4. Every time one of your friends enters the contest, you get entered in the contest again.  Now how great is that!

Wow! A third chance to enter…

Enter on the Cozy Calm blog…

1. Subscribe to the Cozy Calm blog www.CozyCalm.info
2. Choose what size and color of weighted blanket you like and post it as a comment to this post for a chance to win a prize.
3. You can get another chance to win by referring a friend to enter.
4. Every time one of your friends enters the contest, you get entered in the contest again.  Now how great is that!

Weighted Blanket Contest Rules:

• The contest ends and winners are chosen on May 1, 2012
• Valid for residents of the United States and Canada
• Cannot be redeemed for cash
• Unsubscribing or UnLiking before May 1, 2011 means withdrawal from the contest
• Contest winner agrees to name, city and state, likeness, and prize won on the Cozy Calm website, blog, Facebook page, elsewhere as we see appropriate, and contest winners may be asked why they want a weighted blanket, which may be for publication.

For contest questions contact Laura.

Could my flight response to aural stimuli be exaggerated by my sensory processing disorder (SPD)?

The question was prompted by a tidbit I ready in Psychology Today:  “…aural assault raises our heart rate and kicks off a flight response.”  The assault needn’t be only speed metal music; it can be the everyday noises of life:

• the slam of the screen door to the garage
• the whine of a power tool
• the slight squeak of the overhead fan in the sun room
• or the worst, squeaky brakes of all the trucks on garbage today…woe is Monday.

I have a place to go to take flight:  my woman cave.

Caves are quiet with soft light emanating from the entrance.  My woman cave is in the basement underneath the bedrooms, so it is away from the majority of the houses noises.  I have heavy curtains on the windows to block out light and sound.  In my desk area, I have one soft light.  There, I feel my shoulders starting to relax and my mind clearing.

My chair is quiet.  I have greased the squeaks on desk drawers.  And, I am surrounded by my children’s art and mine.