Eating an Elephant

I have noticed something in myself that I have noticed in other people with autism. I go into such detail that some things don’t get done.  I think through the whole thing. I gather more information than needed for the project.

I have been unlearning this for a few years.  As my mother said, “You don’t need an A++ when an A or even a B will make things happen.”

I’ll tell you a story.

Hubby has offered help by saying, “The only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time.” Can you guess what I pictured?

I saw an elephant lying on its side in the yellow grass dead. Suddenly, the awful scene shifted. I was tearing at the the skin and bloody meat of its thigh with my teeth. Then intellect kicked in by thinking that for one person to eat an elephant would take months. The elephant would start to rot, and birds and insects would be picking at it.

I told hubby, “Why do people say such things? It’s disgusting.”

If you’re on the autism spectrum, you know how pictures can instantly pop in your head when someone uses a saying instead of a direct, factual sentence.  I told hubby what I saw, and he was surprised.  He explained the saying to me.

Instead of freezing up with the overwhelming workload of a project, break it into smaller projects that are a part of the overall project. Do each small project before moving on to the next one. His point was that a large project can’t be done as a whole all at once.

I suggested we change the elephant saying into “eating a turkey one bite at a time.” I picture a cooked turkey just out of the oven. I could smell the sage scent of stuffing, and the sweet tang of cranberry sauce cooking in the pot.  This makes sense to me.

If you cook or eat turkeys, you know a turkey is eaten in stages.

1. Serve the turkey meat fresh out of the oven for the first meal.
2. After supper, save the turkey juice and the carcass for boiling to make soup, and put some of the turkey in containers in the freezer.
3. Make turkey soup and eat it for two days.
4. Make hot or cold turkey sandwiches.
5. Eat turkey and cranberries for a snack here and there.

That’s how projects are done–one phase of the turkey eating process at a time.

Need I say more. Here is Temple Grandin…

“When you hear a sound, your brain responds.  When the child with autism hears a sound, their brain responds too, but a little bit later.  What we’re seeing is a…split-second delay in recognizing that sound,”  Tim Roberts says.

Ms. Chetry asks, “How does that play out in how children with autism learn and communicate?”

“What happens is that as speech becomes more complicated, we have more and more sounds building up, and these delays cascade on each other leading to a difficulty in perceiving or recognizing the word.”

Can you imagine how long it took me to transcribe the above sentences from the video?  I had to see, hear, understand, translate into a visual of the word in my head, type what I saw, while still hearing more, and more, and more! going in.

I was lost after three to five words each time I tried, so I played the video in a different window so I could just listen and type without seeing the heads moving, but the delay in my mind was just too much, and it all became garbled in my brain.  I didn’t understand the sentence and didn’t “see” the words in my head.  I had no clue what they were saying.  I was so quickly lost.

My typing speed is not the issue.  My preferred form of communication is email, and I write every day, so my typing speed is incredibly fast.  So, I tried another approach based on my experience.

One Source of Input

Only so much input at once, is my rule.  So, say the bare bones of what you have to say, then stop–unless you are communicating with facial expressions, tones of voice, and hand gestures.  Then you will have to state those unvoiced messages because I didn’t receive them.  They are visual distortion of the message.

This is why I tried transcribing without looking at the video to rid myself of the moving heads.  The moving distraction was enough that I lost understanding of the message very quickly.

The Next Try

Playing the video without watching while trying to type didn’t work either.  Without the visual, the delay wasn’t as slow, but I was quickly tripped up and way behind what was hearing.  It all turned into a mess in my head and my agitation increased in a millisecond.  I raced to the mouse to get to the video window so I could click “pause.”  I breathed out.  I had freaked out inside.

But, I have a Great Visual Memory

This time, I watched the video to understand a complete thought and paused the video.  Then I clicked to this window I am typing in and wrote the thought word for word without error.  I waited to let it integrate and to anticipate what they would say next, then I switched back to the video and repeated until the transcription was done.

I “saw” what they were saying.  I literally see the words in my head as they are talking.  The words have time to form into a visual then when I stop the recording, I see the whole sentences.  I worked at my usual fast typing speed because I was literally copying what I saw.

Advice for Teachers, Bosses, Parents, and Spouses

1. Public speakers use dramatic pauses to let a point “settle in.”  All people need pauses, not just the ASD people, so they can catch up with what is being said and integrate what they have heard.  Do the same for your loved one, pupil or employee with Asperger’s or autism.
2. One of my children summed it up best when this child said, “Okay, okay.  I get it, now stop talking.  You don’t have to keep explaining!  Stop talking!”  This child’s frustration level escalated rapidly if I didn’t “talk, stop, talk, stop,” so that day it resulted in a door slamming.  I understand the frustration completely, yet I forgot to start with a short summary then stop completely.
3. If you notice a person on the autism spectrum watching your lips when you are talking, it is a sign that you are talking too quickly and not pausing or not letting any silence hang.  Related article…
4. If you like to make a lot of facial expressions, body and hand movements, to make your point or “drive home” your point or “communicate what you are saying,”  don’t; it will muddle the message.
5. It is the easiest for me to understand speech in the morning, so my meetings and phone calls are generally in the morning.  In an afternoon meeting, I often have to get people to repeat points they are saying.  So, afternoons, I usually focus on a task with little environmental distraction.
6. Teachers, your autistic students may have more trouble writing in the afternoon because they are thinking of “what to say.”  Subjects such as math, graphic design, art, physical education, cooking, reading, or computer programming are relaxing in the afternoon.

Did You Notice how I Wrote This?

Some sentences, which make them more difficult to understand, have thoughts split.  Some sentences run on explaining point after point and linking thoughts thereby diluting the one necessary thought.  Some sentences are concise.  Choose the latter, then stop.  Believe me, it will be much appreciated.

Thinking in Pictures and Making Connections

This is how a little on how my autistic mind thinks…

I just had a talk with my daughter about how she grew up with a parent with Asperger’s Syndrome (on the autism spectrum).  After looking at her like she was an alien (fascinated) and saying, “I don’t get it” and asking pointed questions until she would inevitably say, “Other people just know,” I thought of toddlers.

Toddlers do parallel play.  The play happily beside each other, not solo, and not group play.  I’m like that with John, my partner of many years; we’re never physically far apart, yet our minds will be preoccupied with something that we’re intent on, and he’s not even an Aspie (person with Asperger’s), just the self-assured, focused, independent type.  We even both work from home, but in separate offices.

I looked up “parallel play” while my daughter was downstairs on the computer and I ran across this The New Yorker article, by Tim Page, named, surprise, surprise, “Parallel Play.”  I was slightly miffed, yet not surprised that someone else thought of it first.  That happens a lot.  I suppose an idea is only considered brilliant if you think of it first.  Maybe I’m just slow compared to the people who think of things first?  Maybe every person thinks of things that have already been thought of?  Is this a generational thing where future generations are doomed to repeat the mistakes of the past?

I went on in this line of thought for a while then started reading the article.  Yes, an article about the author’s Asperger’s Syndrome.  I decided that it would spur a great deal of blog posts based on the clarity of the article.  I could personalize his personalizations of Asperger’s.  I suppose that is hardly a unique idea either.

As I went on this tangent, I forgot to tell my daughter about parallel play.  When she was ready to leave, she said, “You should come to the door and say goodbye, Mummy.”  I did.  I hugged her and kissed her because she is my amazing, darling daughter, and I wanted to.  She said, “Yes, that is what you’re supposed to do.”  She was smiling.

So, here I sit confused.  In some year past, she (my neurotypical kid) had told me that I should see people to the door and say goodbye, and I should show emotion.  I did, and from what I could tell, people liked it.

Now, she tells me that I should actually come to the door, not stand at the top of the stairs making repetitive hand movements.  This makes no sense to me so I ask, “Why?”  She says, “I don’t know why; it’s just what people do.”  To me, that wasn’t an answer.

I often come up with ideas because I ask, “Why?”  I veer from “what is normal” in a very linear way, yet they all come together to form connections.  Like in the writer of the New Yorker article, I’ve been dubbed “brilliant” and “creative” time and again, yet I don’t feel brilliant.  I feel like I ask dumb questions, but as the saying goes, “There is no such thing as a dumb question.”

I hadn’t finished reading the article, and I have so many more questions to ask my daughter about how she thinks.  I also haven’t written a blog post yet based on the New Yorker article, but that will come along with a flurry of new connections.

Back to how my mind works:  It’s much like following links on the internet (a linear activity) and finding the new that connects back to previous ideas on pages.  Perhaps that is why we hit the “back” button on the browser to check back to earlier connections.

The connections always lead back to self-knowledge, which for anyone, Aspie or not, are the most difficult.  That is why it is so easy to give advice to others, but occasionally feel lost ourselves, but that is for another blog post.